Welcome Baby Lydia!

Blessings abound!  Tim and I are thrilled to announce the birth of Lydia Alyse Decker.  Lydia was born on October 10, 2010 at Wilford Hall in Lackland Air Force Base, San Antonio.  She weighed in at a whopping 6 lbs, 6 oz, which made for a really easy delivery and an even easier recovery. 

We entered the hospital on the evening of 9 October, after a three-day delay in getting to the hospital for an induction.  Everything went really smoothly and she arrived in a little over twelve hours.  Tim was able to make it from Kansas to be there for the birth, so we were all-around really pleased with the way everything worked out.  Since everyone was so healthy and Lackland was experiencing somewhat of a "bed situation" at the Labor and Delivery Unit, we were able to go home on the early discharge program.  We were thrilled to get out of the hospital as quickly as possible and start enjoying our family time together at home.

This week has been fairly hectic.  Tim and I have been taking turns staying up with Lydia, who has not quite gotten adjusted to U.S. time (we think she is operating on a schedule somewhere in the Middle East).  Meanwhile, I have been trying to keep up with my schoolwork in between feedings.  I had two quizzes and a midterm this week, which I somehow managed to take without the benefit of my usual cup of coffee (no caffeine for the baby).  Despite being a little tired, everything has worked out really well this week thanks to the help of my three heroes...Tim, Mom and Cansu.  Mom and Cansu have done most of the cooking, cleaning and taking care of Timmy.  Tim has helped with Lydia and has given me the opportunity to study and keep up with my schoolwork.  Without this team I don't know where I'd be!  They are truly my heroes!

This whole pregnancy has been one of the most challenging and enriching experiences of my life.  Tim and I have a profound respect for the miracle that takes place in pregnancy and birth.  We are reminded of how far we have come in the last year and a half and just how much of a blessing this healthy pregnancy is.  We would like to thank everyone for all of the love, support and prayers that you have offered to us through this entire experience.  We feel surrounded by love and have been blessed by your prayers.

Buyer Beware!

I have been absolutely floored by the service problems I have had with ADT (the home security company). A few weeks ago, I had an alarm event in the middle of the night. The alarm was triggered and ran for several minutes while I carefully checked the house to determine what had triggered the alarm. ADT DID NOT RESPOND!!!!

Since ADT did not respond or even give me a courtesy call, I attempted to contact the monitoring service. I could not get through and was placed on hold for a long time. The next morning I thought surely everything was a fluke, and I attempted to contact the monitoring service and was placed on hold AGAIN.

When I finally got through, they sent a technician out to my house to determine why the signal did not work. He could not identify a problem and said everything was working fine.

I have requested that my contract with ADT be terminated on the grounds that the equipment is unreliable (the signal did not go through when the alarm was triggered) and also because the monitoring service is unreliable (I was unable to reach them on two occasions). I thought that surely I would be allowed to end my contract since ADT was not providing the monitoring service that I am paying a monthly premium for. I was wrong.

ADT's position is that since they cannot identify the problem that caused the failure in my alarm system, they have no responsibility to do anything else. They also hold the position that they are not responsible if their customers cannot access the monitoring service because they cannot control call volume (personally, I would consider this a staffing issue that should be addressed...)

At any rate, if you are considering ADT or if you have this service, please be aware that the monitoring you may be receiving may not be reliable. Also be aware that if you need to access the monitoring service because you are having an alarm event, you may not be able to get through. And, despite the monthly premium you pay, ADT will be unwilling to refund your money if they drop the ball on your monitoring.

Most customers will never need ADT's monitoring service and will thus never really know whether the service is reliable or not. My experience tells me that the service is NOT reliable. Please be aware of this fact if you have ADT or are considering purchasing this lousy service. Invest in a dog or a cell phone...you stand a much better chance at resting safer at night.

Speak softly and carry a big stick....

So, two weeks into grad school and I feel like I got hit by a bus. For those of you who may not know, there is a mentality that we can provide as much education to our folks as anyone in the civilian world, only faster. I am currently taking 17 grad school credit hours, all compressed into a two-month semester. We will complete all of our classes by the end of this year and enter residency next year. So, needless to say, sleep is a luxury at this point (which is why I am on the Internet at 1am).

Anyway, the past two weeks have been interesting to say the least. Last Sunday I decided to take an evening run at about 8:45pm (because that is the only time you can run in San Antonio). I was feeling great and ran three miles (pregnancy hasn't completely caught up with me yet). As I was on my cool-down, I got bitten by a dog in the neighborhood. Some lady was walking her two terriers and had them on a leash. As I passed her, one of her dogs ran after me and bit me right on the knee. It drew blood instantly and the knee swelled up like a goose egg.

So, I figured accidents happen. I didn't get mad, I just turned around to talk to the lady. Would you believe the next words that came out of her mouth? Direct quote: "Why didn't you STOP!? Really, you should be a more responsible runner (incidentally, I was walking at the time). You saw me with my dogs on the sidewalk, why weren't you running in the street?!" (A great idea after dark...she was full of good ideas).

So, I physically took a step back, closed my eyes, took three deep breaths (At this point I was very thankful for the three hours of stress management training we had the week prior). After I calmed myself, I started with something like this... "Lady, let me tell you something....."

By this time the dog is growling, so I decided it really wasn't going to help my case to get in a fight about the dog bite. I was actually pretty nice about it, but I did feel like she needed to be made aware of what her responsibilities were as a dog owner. In the end I told her I would not press charges and would not sue her (generous, given the fact that she NEVER apologized). She continued to make her point about how I can improve myself by becoming a more responsible runner and running in the street so her vicious dog can have the sidewalk to himself. She made me sick.

Anyway, I ended up spending the rest of the evening (and morning) in the ER. Since class is not really an optional participation event, I got up the next morning (a few hours later) and went to class. Thus started a pretty long streak of sleepless nights, but I have at least learned that it is possible to exist on 5 hours a night or less (not comfortable, but possible).

Anyway, I spent a few days being a giant baby in a leg immobilizer, but once the swelling went down, I was completely fine.

The past two weeks of class have been really grueling, but I have to admit, I am enjoying it. My classmates are great and we really do work well together. It is nice to have such a small class and a pretty small teacher-student ratio.

Tim just arrived at the National Training Center in California, so I probably won't hear from him very much for the next month. Timmy is doing great with Cansu. We got him enrolled in daycare once a week to keep him socialized with other toddlers. We call this place the Country Club because of all the fun things they do with the kids there. They have a little water park, indoor and outdoor playgrounds, a little soda shop, a kitchen for cooking lessons, art, learning rooms and a million other things. Timmy loves it and it give Cansu a little breather during the week as well.

Timmy is really coming along with his growth and development. His latest interests include Toy Story 3 and puzzles. I bribed him with a Woody action figure one late night at Wal-Mart (doesn't everyone do their grocery shopping at 10pm?) Since then he has been going around the house asking "Where's my Woody??" He has also started doing jigsaw puzzles. I have to admit, I am pretty proud of him on this account. My Aunt Cathy sent him a big floor puzzle and I thought he would never be able to put it together. He really surprised me this week! The best part of this little arrangement is that he can concentrate on these puzzles for a half hour at a time or more. I didn't know that was possible for two year olds! Perhaps I'm biased, but I think he's the best kid ever.

Fun Down South

Bottom line up front: I love living in Texas. We have experienced a lot of new and exciting changes, mixed with the bittersweet reality of living separated from Tim.

On a happy note, Tim and I just celebrated our 7th anniversary. We could hardly believe how short 7 happy years can fly by, and just how much "life" got crammed into those seven years. We looked at our wedding pictures and were amazed at how young we looked!

For our anniversary, Tim came down to San Antonio and I surprised him with a few fun activities. One evening we spent dining on the "Riverwalk" at an outstanding restaurant that we both enjoyed. We spent the rest of the evening doing a wine tasting (well, Tim anyway) and taking a riverboat tour of San Antonio. The next day was incredibly busy. I got up and ran 3 miles (yes, I'm still feeling great. I don't think my body has realized it is pregnant) and then took Timmy to the pool for some family fun. Afterwards Tim and I splurged on a couple's golf lesson. If anyone wants the name of a great gold pro in San Antonio, we have your man. This guy got us both consistently hitting balls straight down the green, at least twice as far as we were hitting before. We were thrilled and had a great time. My only problem was that Lydia seems to enjoy golfing too, because she was wiggling around a LOT while I was trying to swing. This really didn't help with my concentration, but maybe we have a future golfer in the works.

Tim and I completed the day with a couple's massage and dinner out (at the Cheesecake factory, my new passport to gluttony). We had a great time and were happy to take some time out to celebrate 7 years of marriage.

Over the past few weeks I have pretty much been running errands and vacationing in San Antonio with Cansu and Timmy. This has been a really valuable time because it has helped me relax and decompress from Company Command and moving headaches and has put me in the right relaxed state to prepare to start school. No kidding, my heartrate has dropped 20 points since I moved down here.

Cansu, Timmy and I have been to the Riverwalk in San Antonio, where we had dinner, ate organic ice cream and took a River cruise. Cansu was absolutely delighted by all of the sights along the river and I was thrilled to be able to show her to a good time. We also went to the Children's Museum one day, where we basically just played with a bunch of toys for a few hours. Cansu jumped right in and played with Timmy at all the exhibits. I am not sure who had more fun...Timmy or Cansu.

I also took Timmy to Sea World. This turned into a really touching day for me. Cansu was not feeling well that day, so she opted to stay home and rest. I was pretty bummed at the prospect of spending an entire day at Sea World with no adult interaction, but the day turned into a learning experience for me as a parent. Timmy and I went on our own, and we both had the time of our lives. I got to spend a rare moment alone with my son, and we really bonded and had a great time. I realized just how much I have been missing as a parent lately since I have been working so much. It was a good reminder of just how rewarding it can be to get priorities straight with your family. Anyway, off my soap box. Timmy and I had a great time and I will never forget our special day. Maybe Shamu has a little magic in him...

I have also had a few experiences that I can only describe as "Texas" since I have been here. One of those is my discovery of the "mega-church." Lucretia Melton, a longtime family friend from Virginia gave me the number of her sister in San Antonio. She mentioned that her sister went to a large church, so I decided to give her a call and check in when we arrived. For the past few weeks we have been visiting this church that really warrants a description on this blog. First, upon entering the church, the parking lot of more akin to parking at Sea World than any church I have ever attended. The only difference is that instead of of parking in section "Shamu" the million lots are lettered and numbered. So, if you were smart enough to leave the house at least an hour early to account for traffic and parking (a problem we tend to have on Sunday mornings in our household) you should arrive to church in plenty of time. But, if you are a heathen like me, you rely on the "I'm pregnant" card and park up front (then ask for prayer and forgiveness for being so lazy). Upon entering the building, you should probably get a map and a tour guide, because it is big enough to warrant this. I checked Timmy into the nursery, which was bigger than the Child Development Center that he attended at Fort Riley. They have an electronic tracking system complete with bar codes, key fobs for parents and a "your baby won't stop crying" notification system in the sanctuary. Wow. At any rate, Timmy may as well have been back at sea World because he loved being at church. I had to peel him out of the room when we left. Upon entering the sanctuary, I was completely overwhelmed. First thing I noticed was the absence of pews. Instead, there was stadium seating for thousands that was similar to an over sized movie theater. At first I was a little concerned, because comfort in church spells disaster when it comes to staying awake in church. I usually prefer my hard seats and the occasional poke in the rib from the person next to me to keep me on track. However, the pastor was so good I actually got lost in the hour and a half service and somehow didn't realize that the sermon had gone over the requisite time frame. I have to admit, this is the first time that has ever happened. I was really impressed by the preacher. I was also pretty impressed by the jumbo-tron screens on either side of the church. With the professional videographers and giant screens, you could just about see the nose hairs on the members of the band (who were quite talented and extremely professional.) Another thing that I just couldn't help but notice was the set-up in the bathroom. There were leather Lazy-Boy chairs in the women's room, complete with flat screen televisions with live streams of the sermon. So, if you are the God-Warrior plagued by amoebic dysentery on Sunday morning, there is still hope for you. The church has you covered...come on in, you won't miss the sermon.

I make a lot of jokes, but I share the story because I was really impressed by the Church and pretty excited to find a great place so quickly. It is also an illustration of a lesson I have definitely learned since being here: everything is bigger in Texas (most of all, the churches). Tim made the comment that there is more technology in the church than what we see in the state-of-the-art training facilities at Fort Riley (which are pretty impressive by their own right). I have to agree.

So, alas my vacation has ended and work started this week. We had orientation for school this week, which was mercifully light. We start classes full time next week, and by full-time, I mean FULL TIME. In order to give us a full year for residency, they have crammed two years of classroom learning into 52 weeks. What that boils down to is that we will be taking 17 hours in a semester that has been truncated to about two months each. We have a total of 5 semesters with oral boards at the end of the year. What this means for me is that I will need to be back in class almost immediately after having Lydia. Missing more than a week of class will be like missing several weeks in a normal school. Ain't got no worries, ain't got no stress... :)

This is where it is so wonderful to have Cansu around. Not only is she really turning out to be a good house-mate, but she really, really, really helps me out with Timmy. I feel like I was really selective in choosing her, and I could not be more happy with the match. While Tim is away, it is so nice to come home to another adult and spend time cooking, eating, chatting and laughing. Cansu helps out with Timmy a LOT, which is helps bridge the gap of only having one parent around and takes a lot off of me. Aside from that, it has also been a lot of fun getting to learn more about Turkey. I can tell you one thing-when it comes to good cooking, the Turkish cooks take the cake. Cansu has fixed a few dishes and I have loved every single one of them. We scoped out a Turkish restaurant, which has quickly become a favorite in the sea of San Antonio dining choices. I'm also slightly addicted to Turkish coffee, which is a bit of a bummer since I really shouldn't be drinking it while pregnant. All in all, I have really been happy with our choice to host an au pair. I would highly recommend this program to anyone who needs flexible childcare and is willing to host an international student. The rewards and learning experience for everything is worth every penny (shameless plug).

Put a Big Texas Smile on Your Face...

And the baby's name is....

Tim and I finally decided on a name for our little girl. We really struggled with this, but in the end I strong-armed him into settling on a name. I found myself calling her "Emma" to myself and wanted to give her a unique name to help with moving on with this pregnancy. Lydia's full name will be Lydia Alyse Decker. Alyse is pronounced ah-lees, which is a french pronunciation. (Can anyone guess which portion of her name Tim picked?)

I would have preferred to wait on setting up the nursery, but Timmy and Lydia will be sharing a room and I needed to start coordinating their bedding so Timmy would have some blankets. Timmy's side of the room will have blue and brown turtles and Lydia's side will have pink and brown ladybugs. The turtles and the ladybugs are made by the same bedding company and sort of match (more or less). So, we have started buying some things for Lydia, which makes me nervous and happy at the same time. I have been fortunate that Lydia has been so active lately. She reminds me that she's in there and that things are going well with her when she kicks and moves.

I guess it is a good thing that I am feeling so much baby movement. My prenatal care is on hold for a long while, thanks to the most inefficient maternity care program in the country--Brook Army Medical Center. I really try not to complain about the care I receive and I am genuinely appreciative of the outstanding care I have received from the Army in the past. However, upon coming to Fort Sam Houston, I have discovered that I was pretty much spoiled before. Due to the numerous appointments I have to get complete before getting a prenatal appointment, it will probably be about July before I can get seen again. Geez, I hope nothing goes wrong between now and then.

Being in Texas has been both a blessing and a challenge. We have had a LOT of things to do in the last few weeks, but I have been fortunate enough to have the help of my parents and Tim. We finished moving everything in the house in about a week. I really love the new house, despite a few issues with the landlord (welcome to renting). Now I am working on things like a driver's license, voter registration and other really fun tasks.

Our good news for the week is that Cansu has arrived! Cansu arrived late in the evening on Thursday. We had dinner at the Cheesecake Factory (my weakness since arriving in San Antonio) and then pretty much went to bed. Tim arrived from Kansas for Memorial Day weekend on Friday, so we put chores on hold for a few days and had some fun. On Saturday we went tubing on the Comal River. For those who have not visited Texas, "tubing" refers to jumping in an inner tube and floating down a river for a few hours. We all really enjoyed the relaxation, although the trip a pretty crowded with college students home for Memorial Day weekend. On Sunday we went to the San Antonio Zoo. Despite the intense heat, we all had a really great time. Cansu has graced us with her cooking and has shared some great Turkish traditions with us. Tim and I have a new addiction to overcome-Turkish coffee. Turkish coffee is thick and potent. Cansu makes it using a copper pot she brought me as a gift and serves it in a really cute coffee set she brought. We love it! (yeah, yeah, I know. Coffee is a no-go with pregnancy, but I limit how much I drink).

I am enclosing a few pictures of our adventure at the Action Figure Museum and our trip to the zoo.

Blessings in Pink

This has been a really exciting week for all of us. Last week we were swamped with work in preparation for the move. We are happy to announce that after a few late nights and exhausting days, we finally got everything packed and prepared to move. On Friday, we successfully closed on our house. We felt like a weight had been lifted from our shoulders. We were VERY thankful to have dodged an entire week of severe storms and tornado threats. It would have put a damper on our closing date to have had our house relocated by a tornado.

Our really, really exciting news is that we got a free and clear ultrasound complete on Friday. They looked at all the major organ systems and everything seems to be "unremarkable." We also found out that our little baby is going to be a GIRL!!! Bring on the pink, I'm so excited! We have agreed that regardless of the outcome, this is going to be our last pregnancy. I have always dreamed of raising a little girl, so this was my last chance. I almost cried when the tech told us that she saw a little girl. Tim is a little less than thrilled (he is not sure how he is going to cope with raising a little girl) but he was very happy that the baby is healthy. That is the important thing to both of us.

We are at a loss for picking a girl's name. This is a little task we have been working on since we were married, but we figure we will need to accelerate our efforts if we are to decide before October. So, we are taking name nominations. If you have any good suggestions, please send them my way. I am looking for something that is not completely common but a little bit of a "classic." Good start, huh?

I will provide more updates and pictures as I get time. For right now, it's back to unpacking!

Farewell to the Medical Company

My tummy-17 weeks!
Our little heart-breaker

Change of Command ceremony

My company (well, about 1/4 of it)

Passing the guidon

This has been a bittersweet week. For twenty two months I have commanded a company, a responsibility that has resulted in midnight phone calls, after hours duties, long hours at work and a great burden of caring for over three hundred Soldiers in my command. However, it has also been a great honor and on most days, a lot of fun. Preparing for the change of command this week has been a lot more hectic than I had anticipated, so it went by extremely quickly and kept me from having much time to sit back and dwell on the changes that were about to take place.

We finally got to Friday and the Change of Command Ceremony was a success. After the longest receiving line I have ever stood in, I picked up the last of my things and quietly relinquished my parking spot to the new commander. My command was yesterday's news and everyone else in the company was out celebrating with the new commander. Despite being accompanied by Tim and Timmy Ryan, it was a very lonely moment. I had an hour until I had to be back for an awards ceremony I was expected to attend, and it occurred to me that for the first time in 22 months, I really had no where to go and nothing to do. This was a very foreign feeling to me. I was deeply relieved to have completed every task that was required to change command and felt that a huge burden was lifted off my shoulders now that I was no longer responsible for over 300 people. At the same time, I felt a little lost as well. I have gotten accustomed to the pace of life of a commander and was suddenly hit head-on with an open space in my calendar. What an odd feeling.

Tim, Timmy and I walked away from the ceremony to the daycare next door to drop Timmy back off. As I shared that quiet moment with my family, it occurred to me that that particular moment was ever so typical of the military experience. We enter a new job, go 100 miles an hour for the duration of the assignment, crank up the heat at the end as we close out that assignment, and then we walk away slowly...alone but together with our family. At the end of every military assignment, when we feel the sense of loneliness that accompanies the goodbyes that we say to our friends, we still get the privilege of walking away with our families. At the end of each assignment, the loved ones at our side will have grown, developed and changed over the course of that assignment. Hopefully we were responsible enough as service members to take the time to notice and take part in that change an development, because at the end of the day, the one stable thing we take on with us from each assignment is our family.

______________________

On another note, this weekend has been much more relxed, but also very exciting. Earlier in the week there was a "tasking" (military order) that went out calling for spouses of Soldiers from all over post to participate in a town hall meeting. Tim's battalion was responsible for providing a spouse of a company commander for this tasking. I volunteered, since I figured I no longer had any excuses about being too busy commaning a company of my own. so, on Saturday I showed up to this meeting and was surprised to find that the "special guest" was the Robert Gates, the Secretary of Defense. He met with the spouses of Fort Riley to get a better idea of what types of things can be done to improve the life of military families. There were a lot of concerns and ideas raised in the meeting, and in the end we all got a chance to do a quick photo session and received a Secretary of Defense coin and a rose. It was quite a treat to be able to attend this special event. For military special occasions, it is customary to carry around the coin from the highest ranking person who has "coined" you. I doubt this one is going to get trumped any time soon. What an honor!

Mother's Day has been a sleepy event in our household, which I must admit has been completely appropriate. I think the one thing I wanted most for Mother's Day was a little rest. We went to church and then out to eat with our special friends Corey and Kelly. After lunch we took a much-needed family nap.

I can also officially say that I received the classiest Mother's Day gift of all--a six pack and a box of chocolates. Since I have been pregnant, obviously I have not been drinking. There has been a running joke for the last few months of command that I just need a drink some nights. For Mother's Day, Tim got me a six-pack of O'Doul's (non-alcoholic beer) to celebrate the day.

On Friday Tim got me necklace and a set of matching earrings to commemorate the Change of Command. This was more of a Mother's Day/ Change of Command combo gift, so I guess I can't exactly be putat the butt of too many jokes, but it makes a good story nonetheless.

Travel and Great News!

Our new place!
Tim and Timmy at our resort in San Diego

Timmy at Polar Bear exhibit at Sea World

Let's watch a Disneyland parade!

Tim, Rick, Rachel, Timmy ad I at the Bug's Life attraction at Disneyland

Groom's cake for Rehearsal dinner for Rick and Rachel's wedding. This cake was made in a borrowed kitchen by Kate Wilkerson (Tim and Rick's very talented cousin)

Take a bow Kate!

Timmy playing with "Uncle Boo-Boo"

Congratulations Rick and Rachel!

Timmy and Grandma Jan

Great news! We got the results of our quad screen test back today for the new baby. It was negative! This is not a 100% positive assurance that there are no major issues, but it indicates that there are no markers for increased risk. So the baby is most likely free of genetic disorders and neural tube defects. What great news!

Tim and I also got to peek at the baby this week. It took the midwife a really long time to get the heartbeat because the baby kept moving so much. "She" is an active little one! When we did a quick ultrasound, she was pretty much break-dancing. A LOT of movement!

We are getting ready to move to Texas, and the move will take place right as I would ordinarily be getting the anatomy ultrasound done. This is obviously a huge issue for us, since we really cling to more and more positive assurance that the baby is doing well. Thanks to a really supportive staff at the hospital, we were able to finagle a slightly early appointment for the "big ultrasound" so it could be accomplished before I move. I am really happy to be getting this done at our hospital so we do not have to worry about setting up appointments and waiting for availability when we get to Texas. I also happen to particularly like the staff at our hospital. So, God willing, we will arrive in San Antonio with some extra assurance and some knowledge about the baby's gender. Great news!

We just returned from two weeks of fun travel. Tim, Timmy and I went to San Diego to attend Rick's (Tim's brother) wedding. While we were there, we took a week to vacation at Disneyland, Sea World and around San Diego. We had a blast and really enjoyed the family time. Rick and Rachel had a beautiful wedding that was definitely memorable for everyone.

After our vacation, Tim returned to Kansas for field training and I flew directly to San Antonio to look for a house. Timmy stayed with his grandparents in California and had a blast! San Antonio was surprisingly relaxing for me, and turned out to be just what I needed. I was in a great hotel (highly recommend the Townplace Suites by Marriott if you are ever in San Antonio). The hotel had every service imaginable (for free!) and included two meals a day (well, if you don't mind hotdogs and tacos for dinner). They even shop at a local grocery store for you! So, for a week I had no childcare responsibilities, someone else had the reigns for my company and I didn't have to cook. I had a blast (despite being a little lonely). I am feeling great (have to look at my expanding belly to convince myself I am pregnant) and was able to work out every day (three miles of running, one mile power walk).

The good news from last week is that I found a great place to live. We will be living in Cibolo, Texas, which is slightly north of San Antonio, in the suburbs. The house is absolutely beautiful, with much more space and a lot of nice little features (garden tub, window seats in the master bedroom, open floor plan, really clean and new). I was really happy with this place and super excited to move in!

I only have one and half weeks left in command (change of command is 7 May). Leaving command will be a little bittersweet, but I am really looking forward to the next step in my career. It will be nice to have a solid two years of being responsible only for myself and my family instead of 300+ Soldiers. It has truly been an honor to serve, but it will be an honor to pass the reigns and move on as well. It will be a mixed blessing to move on to San Antonio and start the Baylor program.

...Moving Forward

On my last post, I titled "Looking back and moving forward." Well, I sort of omitted the part about "moving forward." So, here goes:

Ahem.

WE'RE PREGNANT!

Tim and I have been blessed with this fun little secret for about 14 weeks now. We have been very, very nervous about everything, especially given our last experience with pregnancy. However, we have had a few ultrasounds and some paranoia-generated heartbeat checks, but everything has always checked out just fine. Our last little check-up was last week, where baby Decker's heartbeat was 156 bpm, right on track.

As for me, this pregnancy has been (physically) a piece of cake. A little nausea, but I am holding a personal record for not yacking through the entire first trimester. I am still running and all of my energy has returned since moving into the second trimester. This has been my easiest pregnancy yet, but I guess after the last one, almost anything would seem easy.

I have been saying a daily prayer for Baby Decker, and I would like to humbly ask for additional prayers as well. I pray that this baby will be kept healthy and formed in the image that God has planned. (We would really like to have a little girl, but I haven't quite gotten the audacity to ask God for that one yet. I do, however, refer to the baby as "she" in my prayers. I am sure God is pretty good with hints.)

One another note, I have a few messages for some special people:

Congratulations Craig and Karen Bender on the birth of your third baby! Karen, we wish you a speedy recovery and hope that you enjoy these precious first moments.

Heather Sample & family: We are thinking of you as you approach your "one year." We will all remember Brian with fond memories and be thankful for the precious time that he had in your life. Heather, you are are a rock solid woman! You get my enduring respect for the graceful way you have dealt with your loss. Brian was one lucky man to have you walk beside him on the most difficult (and probably most rewarding) portion of his life. You gave him an opportunity to become a husband and a Dad and experience as much as possible out of the time he had left. My hats off to you and my prayers are with you as well, Heather.

Happy birthday Mom Barkley and Mom Decker! 35 never felt so gooood!

Looking Back and Moving Forward

On Friday we honored the first anniversary of Emma's death. I have been anticipating this event for several weeks now with a bittersweet mixture of resumed grief and a positive sense of moving forward. Tim and I took a few hours off from work on Friday to have lunch and make the drive to Herington to visit Emma's grave. We planted tulips next to her grave, since Tulips will always bloom each year around her birthday. Tulips were also the flowers that I chose to carry in her honor at her funeral and the flowers that all of the family members placed on her casket to be buried with her. Not a spring will go by from now on that I will not see tulips and think of Emma.

While Tim and I were at the grave, we took the time to go through my boxes of things we have collected to remember her. It has been a while since I have gone through these boxes, which is a mark of healing, I suppose. Going through these items was definitely sad for the two of us, but it was also an experience of healing. One year later I can go through the boxes without sobbing. I can look at the few Earthly reminders that we have of Emma and remember her with a sense of warmth. In the past few days and weeks, I have relived almost every experience that I had through Emma's birth and the days beyond. Now as I reflect on these experiences one year later, I certainly remember the heartbreak and the sadness, but what is significant is that I can look at these experiences with happy remembrance as well. All of the events that surrounded this chapter of tragedy in our lives have been somewhat revised in my memory with a much more positive spin. The positive, warm memories stand out in my mind due to the love of friends and family that surrounded Tim, Emma and I and lifted us up through our darkness.

As we look back, we remember Dr. Evans, the maternal fetal medicine specialist who walked us through every step from the initial bad news to our discharge from the hospital. He is one of only a handful of doctors in Kansas that has the training to deal with high risk pregnancies, so it is not surprising that his patient load is enormous. Still, he took three hours of his time to go through every option with us, look up research in personal library and help navigate us through the hardest decisions of our lives. Through it all, he treated us like we were his only patients, though I knew we were just one couple of many. When I was in the hospital, every one of his staff came up to the ward to visit me--from the ultrasound tech to his nurses. This small gesture really made an impression. We were one of many, but we were made to feel special and loved by a wonderful staff led by a truly remarkable doctor.

Shortly before Emma was born, Corey and Kelly Boernsen moved in to our house for a few weeks. This was a blessing in our lives at exactly the time that we needed it. I met Kelly for the first time and it seemed like we had known each other for our entire lives. Corey and Kelly (with the creative help of Ryan and Nancy Kules) orchestrated the melon smashing event that I will never forget. (Sometimes I just want to go do it again simply because it was fun and completely childish.) Standing in our driveway in the middle of the night with melons, an axe, a a hammer, a bag of tomatoes and our closest friends and family was a memory I will carry for a lifetime. Now, one year later, I recently had the opportunity to fill out a background check questionnaire for Kelly's new job. When it asked me how long I had known her, I had to catch myself and fill out the truth-only one year. It seemed a little hard to believe given the special place that she and Corey have in our lives.

LTC Sherri Franklin walked beside me every step of the way through the entire pregnancy with Emma. She went out of her way to take care of me in every conceivable way. She took care of my physical needs as a health care provider, and also served my emotional needs as a friend and mentor. She visited me an hour away in Topeka, after working a full day herself and still having a family in need of dinner. She called to check up on and helped me keep my head up when I needed that strength. On Emma's birthday this year, she remembered to call and even sent flowers. LTC Franklin is a woman who is truly filled with a lot of love. Her patients are lucky to have a provider with such love and compassion. It is her love that defines her as a person and also as a provider and sets her apart from everyone else. I owe a lot to this very special person.

Chaplain Diana Crane also walked with me through this entire experience. She has been a chaplain and a friend to me in the two years that we have known each other. She's often overbooked in her service to the Lord, but she found the time to help me co-found a pregnancy and infant loss support group for our hospital. Working with this group has helped me find some positive meaning to our tragedy and assist others who have walked a sad mile in my shoes. Diana took care of all of the funeral arrangements and officiated the ceremony. Her words brought comfort to us, not just because they were spoken from someone so dear to us, but because she has a special way of putting together just the right sentiment for each moment.

Tim and I also felt surrounded by the love of our family. We had so many family in the house for Emma's funeral that we had to arrange a sleeping chart to account for all of the floor space and bed space in our house. Our family cooked for us and helped with all of the details of daily living that we didn't have the energy to fulfill around the time of the funeral.

Our list can go on and on. We were surrounded by love by so many friends and family who called, sent flowers and cards and attended the funeral. We anticipated a small memorial with pretty much just family, but were greeted by a church full of people on the day of Emma's funeral. None of these people knew Emma, so we can only judge their presence have been a sign of love and support for our family. We felt incredibly blessed.

For some reason I have had a lot of church hymns in my head lately. When I reflect on this experience, I can't help but sing to myself the old tune "Love Lifted Me."

"When nothing else could help...love lifted me." This song reminds me of the love that surrounded us through our experience and lifted us up in our sadness. This love was powerful enough to completely reshape our entire memory of these events, thus allowing us to remember more of the acts of love, kindness and friendship than the moments of grief and sadness. To all of our friends and family, we thank you for that.

. Tulips outside our house bloomed on Emma's birthday

Happy Easter!

Happy Easter everyone! Today has been a really fun holiday for our family. We started the day by sleeping in (Timmy crawled in bed with us around 0700 and graced us with an extra hour of sleep). When we woke up, Timmy was excited to find that the Easter bunny had visited the house! He gathered eggs all the way to his Easter basket, which consisted of cars, eggs and candy. He was thrilled! Tim blessed us with his pancake-oriented culinary skills and then we were off to church. For Easter, Timmy wore a summer pin-striped suit with a peach tie. He impressed all the little ladies in his nursery class!

"I don't want to go to church!"

Getting through the Easter sermon was a little bit of an unexpected challenge for me this morning. Despite the festive mood that we created with our morning Easter egg hunt, I couldn't help but look back at Easter last year. I imagine that Easter will always remind me of Emma Grace. Last year we tried to push back the tears and celebrate Easter, despite being in the middle of planning a funeral for Emma. Sitting in church reminded me a lot of last Easter. I am pretty sure I am the only nerd in church that got misty-eyed during the second verse of "Because He Lives." The verse references the fact that holding a newborn baby is one of the greatest joys in the human experience, but implies that the joy is nothing compared to entering Heaven. I like to think that the joy that Tim and I sacrificed in holding Emma was traded for the joy that she experienced upon entering Heaven. Hence, the tears.

We got through the sermon and then got a great Easter Brunch at the conference center on Fort Riley. This was a special treat because Timmy got to play outside for a while after lunch. He jumped in a bouncy house and greeted some friends at the Easter egg hunt. (Well, he more or less sat in the bouncy house and let all the other kids bounce him, and we missed the Easter egg hunt in favor of an afternoon nap). We came home, napped and did another Easter egg hunt in front of the house. What a fun day!

Selling the House

We are pleased to announce that we are 50% finished with the sale of our house. We got an offer last week and accepted. We are now going through the home inspections, etc. Unfortunately, getting to this point has led us on a crash collision with Murphy's Law. we've had some "fun" with an unexpected problem with our septic tank, but we got everything fixed and replaced. We just now need to repair the entire backyard that we spent all of last summer and fall getting prepared. Oh well, we are at least happy that everything is taken care of and seems to be back in working order.

Last weekend was our annual St. Patrick's Day Road Race. Tim and I ran this together, as we have done for the last several years. we had a great time and rewarded ourselves with a huge Chipotle burrito afterwards. I have some pictures that I will post when I get them.

Timmy is doing great. he is already wearing size 3T clothing because he is so tall! He is practically making speeches now and seems to enjoy every moment of life. He really enjoys sitting down to do crafts and coloring, or play with play dough. His attention span with these tasks is pretty long for a little boy. Most of the time Tim and I get bored before he does! This is a nice trait though, because it means we can always find a quiet task for him to do when we need him to settle down. WE are able to take him with us almost anywhere, to include nicer restaurants. He doesn't make a peep as long as he has some crayons or stickers.

HUGE NEWS! We are really excited to announce the arrival of my new niece, Wren Cedella Barkley. Brian and Karle finally met their long-awaited daughter a few weeks ago. We are happy to announce that both Mom and baby are doing great. We have seen lots of pictures and she is absolutely perfect. Way to go Brian and Karle! I guess it is a little surreal seeing my brother holding his baby girl in his arms, much the same way that it seemed like a dream to hold Timmy in our arms the first time. We are so happy for them as they start this chapter of their lives. Brian is taking classes, working full time and now juggling parenthood. I am not sure when he gets a chance to sleep, but he's doing a great job!

The month of April will be a busy one for us! We are going to California to celebrate the wedding of Rick (Tim's brother) and Rachel (beautiful bride). I will also be going to San Antonio to pick out a house to live in while I am attending Baylor. Given my lack of decision-making capability while shopping, this should prove to be quite an adventure. This goes double considering the fact that Tim (my voice of reason and decision) will not be there. I have five days to make a decision. While I am there I also need to finalize some tasks with getting our au pair ready to join our home. I talk to Cansu almost daily via e-mail. I am excited to get to know here a lot better and hear about life in Turkey. The more I get to know her, the more I am getting excited about her arrival. She seems like such a sweet person and such a great fit for our family. I have never participated in a cultural exchange type program before, so this will be a new adventure for me as well! From everyone I have talked to who has ever hosted an au pair, the experience has been great.

I Love it When a Plan Comes Together...

We have been fairly busy lately trying to plan out our transition into the next phase of our careers and our next phase for our family. As you probably know, Tim and I will be separating for about 18 months while I attend Baylor University and Tim deploys later in the year. We hope to join back together at our next assignment (wherever that may be). Needless to say, this all takes quite a bit of planning and preparation. We are working on selling our house, and even got our first offer this weekend! We are crossing our fingers that this will work out.

Our biggest news is that we have picked our au pair! Our new au pair's name is Cansu, and she comes from Turkey. She will be joining us on May 27th in San Antonio. Cansu likes swimming, jogging and dogs (sounds like a great match!). She has a degree in Foreign Trade and is looking forward to coming to the US to help with childcare and to experience American culture. I am really looking forward to her arrival. It will be nice to have someone else around to help fill the empty house and make it much warmer. Her help with Timmy will make it much easier for me to go to school and study.

I am enclosing a picture of Cansu. She said I could post it. :)