The Darkest Hour

I hate to be melodramatic, but it really does feel like we have reached our darkest hour. The sad part is, I know that here is worse to come.

To put the last few days in a nutshell, I went in to see a specialist on Thursday, who diagnosed a molar pregnancy, which can metastasize to other parts of my body. It is pretty much cancer, though not necessarily malignant. He felt that this was an immediate threat to my health and wanted me to be put in the hospital. Some other doctors looked at the evidence and thought that it was such a long shot that they searched through medical journals all through the night to find an alternate explanation. They then sent me to another specialist in Kansas City for a complete second opinion. That doctor diagnosed a completely different disorder, one that suggests that Emma's condition is spreading to the placenta and therefor affecting my health. We are already seeing the effects of this. The risk with this condition is that it can then spread to me, and basically give me the same symptoms as Emma...pulmonary edema, heart failure, etc.

The bottom line is that the doctors really can't agree on a course of action or treatment. Situations like this are very rare and difficult to predict, even with doctors who specialize. Right now the docs at Fort Riley are collecting all of the medical opinions from several doctors, to include the specialists that I have already seen and other doctors spread all over the country who will be reviewing my charts. Meanwhile, we sit and wait. I think it goes without saying that it is very scary to be in a situation where we rely on the doctors with the medical training to help, but they can't really agree. I can only liken it to drowning in a lake while a huge crowd of people watch, each holding a life jacket, but no one taking action because they can't agree on what to do.

Thanks for all of the words of encouragement and prayers. We are very well supported. My parents jumped on a plane immediately after hearing about the complications and are here to help. I cannot be grateful enough for their generosity. Along with our friends Corey and Kelly, they have cleaned the house, taken care of Timmy and provided some distraction and listening ears for us. They have made it possible for us to maintain the household while we go to appointments, cry, take walks or just stare at the wall in disbelief. We try to look for silver linings each day. For the past few days our stated silver lining has been that we haven't broken anyone's kneecaps. I think today I have come to the more obvious realization that we have the best support network or friends and family that anyone could ever ask for.