My new "do"
Slightly frazzled hair after a 5-mile runA
A morning at home. We really enjoyed some "downtime"
I am probably biased, but isn't he the cutest baby ever?
Timmy after the spaghetti-o slinging event
I am about 2.5 weeks into my convalescent leave (a very generous interpretation of maternity leave). I have really enjoyed and appreciated the opportunity to take a few weeks away from command and spend some time "slowing down." I think it is important in life to seize an opportunity every now and then to enjoy life as it is. We have definitely experienced some challenges lately, but they have resulted in this rare opportunity to cut my self some slack and slow down for a while. For that I am grateful. Just this afternoon I had the opportunity to rock Timmy to sleep for an afternoon nap. I consider this a privilege...I never get to do it! This evening, I sat in the rocking chair with Timmy and slowly read him a long book before tucking him in. Before we stopped to cuddle, I remember thinking "I am so lucky." Not lucky because of the unfortunate events that surrounded Emma's short life, but lucky to have the opportunity to be a Mom to a healthy baby boy. The blessings of my marriage and our love for our healthy son have been lost on me for the past few weeks as we have grieved for Emma. But today, I took a few minutes to sow down and reflect on the blessings in my life. It was an awesome experience that I may not have had if I had not avoided the temptation to jump right back into work and bury myself in something other than grieving.
A morning at home. We really enjoyed some "downtime"
I am probably biased, but isn't he the cutest baby ever?
Timmy after the spaghetti-o slinging event
I am about 2.5 weeks into my convalescent leave (a very generous interpretation of maternity leave). I have really enjoyed and appreciated the opportunity to take a few weeks away from command and spend some time "slowing down." I think it is important in life to seize an opportunity every now and then to enjoy life as it is. We have definitely experienced some challenges lately, but they have resulted in this rare opportunity to cut my self some slack and slow down for a while. For that I am grateful. Just this afternoon I had the opportunity to rock Timmy to sleep for an afternoon nap. I consider this a privilege...I never get to do it! This evening, I sat in the rocking chair with Timmy and slowly read him a long book before tucking him in. Before we stopped to cuddle, I remember thinking "I am so lucky." Not lucky because of the unfortunate events that surrounded Emma's short life, but lucky to have the opportunity to be a Mom to a healthy baby boy. The blessings of my marriage and our love for our healthy son have been lost on me for the past few weeks as we have grieved for Emma. But today, I took a few minutes to sow down and reflect on the blessings in my life. It was an awesome experience that I may not have had if I had not avoided the temptation to jump right back into work and bury myself in something other than grieving.
I am slowly getting accustomed to the "new normal" that has overtaken my life. I feel like my life has fundamentally changed since my pregnancy with Emma. I am hoping that I can draw a positive change from my experience with her. That being said, I felt like I could not move forward without changing my exterior appearance. I felt like I had fundamentally changed on the inside and needed my exterior appearance to reflect that change. I decided to go to the salon and reinvent my look. I have included a few pictures of my new haircut. I am really happy with it and glad to have something with a little more body. The pictures were taken after I ran more than five miles. My hair survived...I was so excited.
I have been making steady progress on a number of projects. Each day, I have decided to devote a significant portion of the day to spending quality time with Timmy. However, I have also resolved to take a few hours each day to work on grieving projects. I have written a full proposal and charter for a pregnancy and infant loss support group at our hospital. I have gotten some buy-in and support from several people at our hospital, so I am hoping to have the support group running in a few weeks. I have taken pictures and learned more about editing. I have designed a quilt square for Emma on a memorial quilt. I am going to receive lessons on quilting from a retired Army nurse on Thursday. I have written about half a book that I intend to publish. I have also collected items for a scrapbook that I will make especially for Emma. I have participated in raising money for the March of Dimes through the March for Babies in Topeka. I have gained a great deal of peace from these projects and look forward to more "grieving with a purpose." When I have completed these projects, I will return to work and start the process of "moving on." In some ways I dread returning to work because I know that it will entail another step in letting Emma go. For the time being, I have my projects to help me hold on to her memory. Eventually, these projects will come to completion and I will step back into my normal life. But I have changed.
From a physical perspective, I am thrilled to be working out again. I have been running for almost two weeks now. I have started building my "5-mile base" for running, meaning that my baseline for running will be five miles. I have run easy 5-milers for the past several workouts, and today I moved on to 5 miles of interval training. I am a little smoked, but I am glad to feel good enough to enjoy a good hard run again. There are a lot of ways that my situation could have ended with respect to my health. I count my blessings every day that I ended up on this side of the pregnancy with a healthy future (particularly one that involves running again). I have a LONG way to go to reclaim my fitness, but I feel like I have returned with an emotional intensity towards training that will help me achieve new goals. Running has given me a great chance to rebalance my life and clear my head each day. I have another reason to be happy and celebrate.
2 comments:
I LOVE the new hairstyle, Kim! You are a beautiful person, inside and out. I am so proud of all the things you have done to honor Emma, and also take care of yourself. Your outlook and take on life is inspiring.
I'm cheering you on! You ROCK! And I am officially now in line for an autographed copy of your book!
I really like your new haircut! Looks like it dresses up nice, but would still go into a ponytail easily... Perfect!
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